Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Cold Calls

Cold calls

Still get these, always remind me of the Fonejacker sketch on ‘internet service providings‘.


Today’s was on Life Insurance

Call 1 from 07679 547 3865

Me: “I don’t have life insurance”

Them: “Thank you I will get our main office to call” then hang up


Call 2 from 029 2168 0599

Them: Life insurance, blah, blah, blah”

Me “I don’t have life insurance’

Them: hang up.


Phone carefully switched off after each call, of course.


Had I had more time, I would have gone along and requested insurance for not having a life or something similar.

The most aggressive in my experience are the car crash insurance scam, who kept calling me a while back. Having some spare time at home when they called I decided to admit to having had a number of recent car crashes. Unfortunately, when I mentioned the number, 1000, they decided I was not serious and hung up. Must have got a black mark against my name, as they never called again.


Double glazing? Happily for them I live in a house with no windows, seems to work every time.


New kitchen? I live in a tent.


Problem with my windows computer? I ask about how one can remove viruses effectively from… …glass.


One can of course try to block them, but they always come back and it seems to pay to spin them along with something literal/fantastic.


On a more serious note, such scams need a real deterrent in law, because there is always one fool. After all, some years ago we received an e-mail from one of the managerial departments in the Univeristy soliciting interest in PhD students funded by the Nigerian Petroleum Board. So far so good. Reading the short description of the funding, research expenses were a miserable $3 million. The fact that such rubbish was forwarded to academic staff angered some colleagues, though my view was don’t get out of bed for less than $100 million.


The good news is that Fonejacker style replies will definitely get you blocked for a year or two, and it is quite entertaining.


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I’ve had a few requests for the recipe for roast leg of lamb. This is rather simple. Total roasting time, 1 h per kg, at half time, turn leg.
Put the oven on high, (gas 8), put leg in roasting tray with ample fat (I use margarine), after 10 min put in 1 onion and 1 carrot chopped and turn down to gas 7.
When there is 1 h left, shift roast to bottom of oven, turn oven up to 8 and start the roast vegetables (I use a mix of parsnips, sweet potatoes and half boiled King Edwards).

Letting the roast stand and gravy follow standard procedures.

However, in my opinion, a far more interesting seasonal recipe is one I received some dozen years ago, which celebrates elements of my Irish-French heritage!

This is the “Recette Irlandaise pour préparer une bonne dinde au Whisky” set out below.

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